As the number of unemployed school leavers rises.

A leading Government think tank member was quoted recently as saying " We've ran out of ideas of what to do with them. To be honest, the general concensus is to make them keep their bedrooms tidy and watch daytime t.v in an effort to depress them into finding work, even if it's a job at Mc Donalds or KFC."



In a recent street poll amongst 16-18 year old unemployed males in the Gloucester area, when asked what they were doing to find employment the top answer "Fuck off mush i'm carrying," only narrowly gained the top spot over " Hey chavy, is that an iPhone, can i have a look," which tied equal with "Lend us a quid".



John Beard from the National Insitute of Interfering said "Well, those polls only show that our teenage unemployed don't lack attitude, cunning or enterprise, but the problem remains. Maybe we she bring back National Service, didn't do my grandfather any harm. He died when he was 23 in the war, was never a burden on society financially and i'm guessing nobody ever saw him drunk on cheap cider on anyones street corner."

And it's not just the young men, young women seem to be struggling with the high unemployment issue too. Deborah Scabies ,16 and from Peckham decided to take matters into her own hands. "I got my boyfriend Clifton to get me pregnant innit. I wont be leaving school with any qualifications or job prospects, so i've decided to be a single mum. Looking at the jobs market out there it was a easy choice and a few of my mates are doin it too, except for Danni, she's goona struggle 'cause she's got chlamydia innit."



So, there we have it.

HEAD OF RECRUITMENT.mp4

A Product Review.

It's not often I lose my temper with technology. OK,that's a lie. It happens daily. For example, before Christmas I treated myself to a new keyboard, the Logitech Wave. It's meant to be perfect for writers or people that produce a lot of copy. Yes, I got that from their website, but hey, I did my homework. I went on other websites to find reviews, and this keyboard came out tops in every review.

I want to go on record now and say it. "You lying Fuckers."

This keyboard in the space of 2-3 months as removed my ability to spell, cost me more time than you can imagine correcting missed keylogs, I spent hours trying to configure the special keys, none of which worked with any of the drivers it came with or the drivers I downloaded from Logitechs website which mainly changed the format for foreign keyboards, which once you're in a foreign format makes it a fucker to get back out of. Its pretty impossible when you can't use your "@" key.

To be frank, it went out of it's way to do fuck all I wanted it to do. And in that I realised something, that fucking keyboard was part of a small gang of technology that surrounds me on a daily basis that refuses to do as it's told. For example, lets look at my Kodak printer, the latest in a line of printers i've gone through over the years that after a while decides it's not going to put up with my demands any more and would rather go live in the garage. My latest printer sometimes refuses to print, it sometimes refuses to connect via wifi, it sometimes tells me it's out of ink, and when I check, a lack of ink isn't an issue. It sulks, it acts like a 14 year old boy. Yesterday I decided to print out 4 pages of copy for something i've been writing, this took me 2 hours, I could've written it by hand in that time. Firstly it refused to admit it had any paper in the tray, the bloody thing was at the side of me, so I knew it was lying. Next it decided to take 3 pieces of paper at one time and then decided it had bitten off more than it could chew. So, it was down to me to get it out. So, after I had removed the paper from its guts I pressed "Print" again. It then told me again it had no paper in it's tray. Lying shitbag. I could see it had at least 10 sheets, if it had eyes it could see I was sat next to it. After a bit of slapping around, a few more hits of the "Print" button , some more choking on fresh paper it eventually decided to give up and print the fucking pages.

It's not good. I have a stereo that refuses to find the wifi in the house, where nearly every other gadget in house is linked to it. I have a landline that refuses to take every message, just the odd one. Why? It's a fucking phone, that's it's job. Whats wrong with it? It's not like it's too fucking busy to take a message is it........

Yes, tech hates me, but I've found one thing that that seems to fix it. Hate it back, give it a good beating. 9 times out of 10 it fixes all tech ills.